Laura Antoniou, author of The Marketplace series of BDSM erotica, posted a parody of “50 Shades of Grey” last night. Beverage spew alert – don’t be drinking while reading this.
Like. O. M. G. There he was, so freaking hot. In his leather pants from Dolce and Gabanna and his black silk shirt and really expensive black tie and black jacket and black diamond stick pin through the really expensive black tie and his ink black hair and jet black eyes and his big feet in big, black boots, oh, he was so into black.
“you’re Tiffany,” he murmured as he leaned in toward her, gracefully looking at her plunging cleavage, and her heaving alabaster breasts.
He was so tall! Even with her lithe 5’7″ frame enhanced by those 4″ heels, he was at least a foot taller! And his piercing black eyes pierced her to her very soul.
“I…I…” Tiffany stammered, letting her booze popsicle drip, drip, drip down her hand to splat, splat, splat on the floor. She bit her full, ruby red lips in luscious lasciviousness.
“I’m disgustingly rich and dominant,” he sneered dominantly. “you will be Mine!”
“Oh, wow,” Tiffany seized. “Um. Wow. OK. Sure. What does that mean, exactly?”
“I have a checklist!” he said triumphantly, while texting an URL to her. “Go to My Web Page and fill it out, and tell Me whether you like, dislike, or are neutral about the 300 activities and fetishes listed there, and whether you’ve done them before and with whom, and what you thought about it, and then rate them on a scale of 1-10 on whether you’d like to do it now, tomorrow, next week, or after the Mayan Apocalypse.”
“Um,” Tiffany coughed out, a delicate flush gathering on her porcelain features, her beautiful, full lips, her high, sculpted cheekbones, her delicately feathered eyebrows and her oh-so-cute upturned nose. “But I’m sure I haven’t done anything on your list at all! Despite being an adult in 2012, working at your huge corporation and having been through some form of schooling, I am still completely virginal and know nothing at all about kinky sex! I am beautiful, though.”
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