Gallery Carre
Stealing Heaven
Feb 15th, 2025 by Holiday
Perhaps I am a degenerate. Or at least I’m sure most people will tell me I am.
When acted upon, some of my sexual desires take me outside the bounds of respectful behavior. All this I know too well. The shocking thing is that I think of myself as normal.
For years I’ve separated myself in order to live a double life: daytime a devoted husband and father; nighttime a libertine, with values stripped bare of society’s polite veneer.
One self displays a conventional, heterosexual appearance; the other enjoys forbidden sexual excitement, often with a male. Somehow the conservative and the seditious live together simultaneously.
To some people, my notion of identity is slippery. Yet I’ve tried to create interesting explanations to rationalize the ambiguities.
Hanna Kosinski is one of the few people aware of the rich contradictions of my life.
Hanna knows I can be stirred to cheap sentiment when Julie Andrews runs pell-mell over the Alps (without proper mountain clothing), warbling the theme to The Sound of Music. She also knows I can be highly aroused when the elegant Catherine Deneuve is stripped, flogged and ravished on orders of her husband in Buñuel’s Belle de Jour.
Hanna knows I have an enduring reverence for the language of F. Scott Fitzgerald and the artistry of Vladimir Nabokov. She also knows I love the decadence of Joris-Karl Huysmans and the eroticism of Pauline Reage (Story of O).
Hanna knows I am a regular citizen, without the defects of an extra chromosome. She also knows I can be hypnotized by sensuality with either gender.
Hanna knows marriage is important to me, and yet my sexual proclivities do not threaten her.
Hanna knows my Irish background provokes the most abiding compulsion of all: to write.
This is pretty remarkable for a well-traveled Jewish woman from an Orthodox background.
Hanna Kosinksi. Han-na. Kos-in-ski.
She is, for starters:
intelligent
Jewish
artistic
well-read
vivacious
sexy
sexual
full-figured
sensual
erotic
tolerant
bi-lingual
of Eastern European descent.
“But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you.”
Knowing Hanna is like stealing heaven.
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