- Fun in Getting Taken Out of Context | Feministe
I often avoid writing about this stuff because it devolves into a downward spiral of stupid. “This proves that women want to be dominated!” “No, as long as someone finds it erotic, it’s ok and we have no right to look at this in the context of a misogynist culture!” “BDSM is freaky and for perverts!” “No, people who practice BDSM are always responsible and it’s never abusive!” etc etc etc.
- Romance, Arousal, and Condescension | Blog | Smart Bitches, Trashy Books | Romance Novel Reviews | All of the Romance, None of the Bullshit.
I think the real temptation and curiosity for those people and many, many others was that many women were saying “This is great for my sex life. This is great for my marriage.” Better sex? Who is saying no to that?!…I certainly wouldn’t, though 50 Shades did not crank my engine the way it has for so many other women. But I remain stunned by the fact that yet again we’re repeating the same assumptions, and answering with the same assertions. We cannot examine female arousal without demeaning condescension. And that is a shame. I wish it were possible to speak candidly about what books turned women on, and why. It would be fascinating to see what those books have in common, and why some work and some don’t.
- The Soapbox: Actually, Katie Roiphe, Feminists Are Not Perplexed About Submissive Sex | Jessica Wakeman | The Frisky
Free will is very much present in submissive sex, which, let’s not forget, is acting out a fantasy. In fact, if it is done right, the very act of negotiating a dominant/submissive play session is a choice and is about as far from abuse as possible. Longtime partners and kinkier BDSM folks may play with total, I-place-myself-completely-in-your-hands submission (The Story of O comes to mind), but for the rest of us this “surrender” is beautifully negotiated, even planned. That is because most partners — the responsible ones — approach each other as equals. Equal dignity, equal respect, equal attempts at pleasure. Dominance and submission does not mean some animals are more equal than others. Sexual subjugation in the realm of sexual fantasy does not erase outside-the-bedroom equality — unless, of course, one wants it to, but that, too, will be negotiated.
submission
“The Mistress Manual: A Good Girl’s Guide to Female Dominance” is an instruction handbook by Mistress Lorelei, published by Greenery Press. Its focus is on heterosexual female dominance, but much of the information can be adapted to other gender play scenarios. Written by Lorelei, an experienced lifestyle Dominatrix and feminist, it provides information to women “at all levels of the art”.
In Part One: Becoming a Mistress, Lorelei talks about how expressing one’s female dominance is liberating within the constraints of patriarchal culture, by transforming the power exchange and defying the prescribed gender roles. She also encourages women (and men) to embrace their “shadow selves”, the sides that are denied them in everyday life, but ones they can experience through fantasy. According to the author, the submissive is able to experience an emotional catharsis, by letting go and enjoying a sense of freedom.
Part Two: The Mistress in Action discusses practical ways to assert one’s dominance, the art of discipline and the skills one needs to become a successful Domme. Some of the tools the author examines includes using suspense (mystery and anticipation) and variation to create a compelling scene fantasy, creating a set, using costumes and props, choreographing a scene, punishment as a form of pleasure and release, as well as rewards and aftercare. She also provides plenty of information on various techniques including spanking and flagellation, bondage, humiliation and forms of control.
In Part Three: The Five Archetypal Fantasies, Lorelei introduces the main role playing models: Nursemaid, Governess, Queen, Amazon and Goddess and what part these play in fulfilling fantasies. The following chapters then go on to explain these roles in depth with examples and suggestions. The book also includes an afterword with “Ten Rules for a Successful Mistress” which is a visual summary of the lessons learned within.
The Mistress Manual has a wealth of information, much more than can be covered in a short review. It is well written, with an emphasis on the psychological as well as the physical aspects of D/s. It is an excellent read that has plenty to offer for both novices and seasoned pros.
The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl’s Guide to Female Dominance
is available on Amazon.com
