I was a pretty inventive kid. When I was three I used to bite my toast into shapes and make my Mom guess what the shapes were. I’d make her guess and guess and then say, “No, silly, it’s just a piece of toast!â€Â When I was four I melted down my crayons in hot water and started doing hot wax play before anyone had heard of it, making wax gloves as I dipped my hands in the melted crayons. I also figured this was a good way to make my Mom tea for breakfast one day as brown crayon when melted looked a lot like tea, just add milk! She didn’t really like it but appreciated the gesture. When I was five, I started coloring my Barbie’s faces with gaudy marker make-up and making them bondage clothes out of colored electrical tape. Go-go boots, gaudy make-up and skin-tight mini-dresses where in then.
When I was eight I decided to make myself a penis. My brother, then five, had a penis and could pee standing up and I wanted to do that too. I got my handy electrical tape and an empty toilet paper tube and began to craft my awesome penis.  I put my fingers inside the roll to swish it to about that girth (a saw my brother’s so had a good idea of what size my penis should be, plus a bit bigger!) and began wrapping the electrical tape around the penis leaving two holes (one to connect to me and one to pee out of). I then melted crayons (skin-color) to cover my penis so it would look somewhat real and waterproof it. I tested it in the sink and it worked! Great! I then got masking tape and taped it to my then hairless crotch. Voila! Insta-penis. I was so proud of my new penis that I invited my brother to come into the bathroom and watch me test it out.
We were both excited as I stood in front of the toilet and began to pee. A tiny dribble came out and went into the toilet. The rest leaked through where I had attached it to my crotch and spilled all down my legs. I cried and my brother consoled me saying it was a pretty good try.
Since then I have had other penis-envy moments, while watching guys write their initials in the snow and having to squat and pee outside. I had pretty well written off getting my own penis to pee through. Then Babeland sent me this cool new invention called the P-Style.
The P-Style is made of hard plastic and is non-porous so easy to clean. It is shaped like a long horizontal funnel and is open on top. You simply place the larger end under your urethra hold it and pee. Standing up! And, it works. I thought it might leak or that I’d spray myself but I didn’t. It was really easy, just hike up the front of your skirt, or pull down your zipper, insert and pee.
So now I’m happy to say I can pee like I have a penis thanks to Babeland and the P-Style. I bet my brother would be proud!
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