Pirates (2005)
Director: Joone
Studio: Digital Playground and Adam & Eve
Cast: Jesse Jane, Carmen Luvana, Janine Lindemulder, Evan Stone, Tommy Gunn, Devon, Teagan Presley, Kris Slater, Austyn Moore, Jenaveve Jolie, Steven St. Croix, and Nhan (no sex).
“Pirates” was much anticipated in 2005 when first released, heralded as the most expensive porn made to date and winning eleven AVN Awards including: Best Adult DVD, Best Video Feature, Best All-Girl Sex Scene, Best Actress and Best Actor. I had the chance to borrow it from a friend and watch it then and was impressed with the production quality, performances, entertainment value and sex scenes. Now, four years later, I have my very own copy of the three disk set of Pirates and here are my thoughts on this film in retrospect.
Pirates may still be one of the best feature-length porn films ever made. Seriously. And, I don’t say that lightly. As an avid porn collector and aspiring pornographer myself, I am usually pretty hard on mainstream porn flicks. I typically find most of them boring, unoriginal, and predictable with run of the mill sex scenes that do little to inspire. But, after viewing Pirates again, I am even more impressed with it than I was the first time. The only films that I can compare it with are Caligula (1980) Unrated Version (not really a porn) and Fashionistas (2003) [my review].
First of all, it is porn with plot, and manages to keep the viewer’s interest throughout the film, if you like those kind of films, which I do. Inspired by “Pirates of the Caribbean” it is a swash-buckling story about a wicked pirate, Captain Victor Stagnetti (Tommy Gunn) who kidnaps Manuel Valenzuela (Kris Slater), and the pirate hunters who try to rescue him for his newly-wedded bride Isabella (Carmen Luvana). The story follows the incompetent pirate hunter Captain Edward Reynolds (Evan Stone) and his sexy first-mate Jules (Jesse Jane) hot on Stagnetti’s tale, as they hit the high seas for action-packed adventure, swordplay, and occasional romps between the sheets in exotic locations, pirate hideaways, bordellos and deserted islands. It is funny, entertaining, and filled with action, to carry you along from scene to scene.
The production value is high quality (filmed in high-def) featuring real locations in California and Florida, excellent set design and costumes, a full musical score, reasonably authentic special effects, and superb sound and picture quality.
Most of the sex scenes are pretty hot and the performances are enthusiastic and raunchy for the most part. Evan Stone is the highlight of the film with his Captain Kirk-like bravado and turns of phrase that are quite entertaining and witty. Not to mention, he is sexy as hell and hung like a horse. Unfortunately, he is only in two sex scenes which do not focus on his ample talents as much as I’d like, which is a shame. Jesse Jane also does a great job playing the part of a saucy nymphomaniac and is seriously hot in both her girl-girl scenes with Carmen Luvana and later Janine Lindemulder for which they won best lesbian sex scene. Both girl-girl scenes starring Jesse are nasty as she struggles for dominance and plays rough as if she’s in a dirty cat fight. Her girl-boy scenes are fairly spectacular as well, as she sure can swallow a cock with that sexy Angelina Jolie mouth of hers.
The sex scene between Tommy Gun and Janine is sexy with Tommy’s amazing body. Janine is a dominant and well-suited opponent with her Amazonian physique and gives Tommy Gunn quite a fight to see who is exactly in control, although in the image below you’d swear Tommy was winning. All the stars have wicked bodies and are fucking hot, and it is so awesome to see two of the sexiest guys in porn in this film. My only criticism is that some of the minor characters (the bordello girls) are not as exciting and I wished they had of had more different types of girls, like some brunettes and red heads, instead of so many typical blondes. There is only one brunette female in the whole film (Jenaveve Jolie) in a lesbian scene with Carmen Luvana, which is not bad.
Some of the performers have difficultly delivering their lines, which is at times a bit painful and noticeably scripted, but the main cast does a pretty decent job, considering this is a porn. I was actually impressed how well they could act, when given a chance, especially Stone, Gunn, Jane, Janine and Steven St. Croix. For a feature film it wouldn’t win any Oscars, but is absolutely entertaining to watch and extraordinary for a porn. I am so glad that I finally have this film in my own collection, for I am sure to watch it again and again for both the entertainment and stroking value it provides. Pirates is a must have for any porn collector, is a great couple’s fuck flick and overall excellent film.
I am really looking forward to the sequel, “Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge” also starring Jesse Jane and Evan Stone, with Belladonna joining the cast, which I will be reviewing soon. Lots more brunettes in this one: Stoya, Sasha Grey, Brea Lynn, Veronica Rayne, YUM! “Pirates” is a three disk set with normal version, HD version, and additional features including behind-the-scenes, bloopers, audio commentary and more.
Thank you to Adam & Eve for providing “Pirates” for review. Check out their online store for a huge selection of adult films and while you’re there, pick up “Pirates“. You won’t be disappointed!
