book review

Guest Review: The Anal Sex Positions Guide by Tristan Taormino

by Viviane on 02/03/2024

in anal, sex

ANAL SEX POSITION GUIDE Guest Review: The Anal Sex Positions Guide by Tristan Taormino
The Anal Sex Positions Guide: The Best Positions for Easy, Exciting, Mind-Blowing Pleasure by Tristan Taormino

by Wendy Blackheart
So, the first thing I noticed about this book is that at first, it comes across as aimed towards cisgendered/heterosexual vanilla couples. Which makes sense, since really, that’s the demographic that needs a book on anal sex positions, which, IMO, isn’t rocket science.

Personally, I would have liked it if there was more of a broad demo, leaning a little more queer. I especially would have liked some queer models for the photos, but hey, that’s me, what can I say? And again: the demo seems to be cis-hetero-vanilla. Though a little bit of the BDSM leaks through in some of the comments made about power dynamics of different positions.

The first section of the book covers the anal sex basics – the hows and whys, lube, communication, etc. Its a great condensation of the info in Tristan’s ‘Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex For Women’. Not everyone who picks up this book is going to have a solid grounding in the how to’s of butt-loving, so this is excellent information to have!

Also covered in a later chapter are toys, and safety issues with them – the biggest one, IMO, is using a toy with a handle or flared base. It constantly amazes me that people don’t think of that on their own, but if they don’t want to go to the hospital and explain why they got whatever they got stuck in their butt stuck up there…they’ll get something with a flared base.  Tristan also shares my dislike of anal beads made of hard plastic and string – icky! Too hard to clean, and too easy to break. There are sooo many nicer types of anal beads out there, and she shows a variety of pictures of toys for people, so they can know what they’re looking for. Or at. Buying toys can be intimidating, especially if you don’t know what you’re looking for and haven’t ever bought, or even seen, a sex or butt toy before!

I particularly loved that Tristan repeatedly mentioned that, for men, attempting to ‘slip in’ the back door without consent is totally not cool. Having heard stories of that from my friends in the past, I know it does happen. That is the absolute *worst* way to get someone to have the buttsechs with you!

I also love that in the commentary about each position, along with including information like how well the position is for skin to skin contact, or communication, she also covers how the position works, or doesn’t, for those who are larger, have mobility issues, or who may not be as physically strong as others.  This is *excellent* information to have about a position, and this is the first book of sex positions of any type that I’ve read that talks about those issues. (And I’ve read quite a few books about sex positions. I wish someone told me that after four minutes in doggy style I’d be face down, ass up, and hugging a pillow until I built up the upper arm strength to hold it. This is information I would have liked to have known as a teen!) Though I did notice another bit of info I would have liked when I was a newly budding ass queen hadn’t been mentioned – when fucking a man in the ass, make sure you know where his balls are. I still remember the first time I whacked a mans balls with out meaning to because I was enthusiastically fucking him, and he had low hangers. icon smile Guest Review: The Anal Sex Positions Guide by Tristan Taormino Maybe guys fucking other guys figure this out on their own, but I had to learn from experience.

An excellent section of the book, towards the end, covers how to choose the ‘best’ position for anal sex. Tristan points out that for everyone, this is different. Hell, on different days, different positions are better. She talks about communication, comfort, sexual/power dynamics, access to different body parts and other topics briefly, and suggests a few positions/variations that are best for each issues. (See my doggy style/arm strength issue above icon smile Guest Review: The Anal Sex Positions Guide by Tristan Taormino

Another thing I enjoy that was carried over from the Guide are the snippets of anal erotica and short fiction included throughout the book. I luuuurved that part of the Guide, and I love it here!

Overall, I think this is a great intro to butt sex book – it covers what I find to be one of the most common questions I’m asked about anal from anal newbies – ‘what position should I try?’I think this is also an excellent book for people looking to try anal the first time, or who are new to it. For me, I find it to be a nice reference, something I can show people when I need to explain a bit of information to them. Its not quite as in depth about anal as Tristan’s ‘Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women’ in terms of anatomy and such, and it doesn’t go over fisting or other extreme anal practices, but as I said, this is a book for beginners. Us anal-sluts all had to start somewhere, and this is a great place to start!

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Screw the Roses Send Me the Thorns

by Domina Doll on 10/15/2024

in bdsm, book, dominance, domination, kink, submission, submissive

screwroses0 300x300 Screw the Roses Send Me the Thorns

“Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns” was not the first book I have ever read on BDSM.  When I first started getting interested in BDSM, the internet was my guide, some of it useful, some of it ridiculous, everyone had an opinion.  I then read “Different Loving” and “Sensuous Magic”, both excellent books relating to power exchange, the first being a series of “case studies” of real lifestylers by Brame, Brame and Jacobs, and the second a more subjective, yet open look into the BDSM lifestyle by sex radical, educator and writer Patrick Califia.

“Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism” by Phillip Miller and Molly Devon is very subjective, written by a male dominant and submissive female couple and first published in 1995.  It has been hailed as the go-to guide into power exchange relationships and even the BDSM bible.  Today, the book is fairly dated as both the images and the text will attest, yet there is still a lot of relevant information inside.  It is written in first person as both Phillip and Molly write various parts of each section, each relating it to their personal experience and power dynamic.  The tone is friendly and tries to use humor quite a bit which tends to be a bit kitschy at times. The book is also a bit sexist, as Phillip seems to have his own ideas of male and female roles, including sections entitled: “Phillip’s Treehouse—No Girls Allowed” and “Molly’s Quilting Bee,” in which only the males or females in each relationship are supposed to read each part.  No doubt these dynamics work well for this couple and many others, but I found the tone, the sexism and the sometimes tasteless humor to be sometimes off-putting and found myself rolling my eyes a lot while reading it.

Having said that, this is a good introductory book for those searching to learn the basics of BDSM relationships, but it is by no means the BDSM bible.  It does teach many different aspects of the power exchange relationship, but bear in mind that it is subjective so to get a full education, read many books on the subject, learn from your own personal experiences and get a mentor if you can and come to your own conclusions.

What you will learn in Screw the Roses

screwroses3 Screw the Roses Send Me the ThornsPage from Screw the Roses

Chapter One defines the BSDM terms and roles, which is fairly basic, yet sometimes confusing.  It states the difference between a Top/bottom and Dom/sub and the interchangeability of these roles.  Chapter Two talks about communication and trust as well as the psychological aspects of a relationship, all practical advice and Chapter Three gives resources on where to find play partners (the internet!). Chapter Four discusses negotiations, levels in the power exchange (including unrealistic situations), and limits and has a sample negotiation questionnaire which has now become the standard.  Chapter Five delves deeper in the male/female roles and how men and women should connect with alternate aspects of themselves, ie: their anima and animus.  Chapter Six introduces the reader into various types of sensation, pain and edge play, whereas Chapter Seven and Eight are all about bondage.   Chapters Nine and Ten focus on percussion play and discipline, while Chapter Eleven deals with endorphins, pain as pleasure and sub-space.  Chapter Twelve talks about the more psychological elements of BDSM play such as verbal abuse, humiliation, and degradation.  The final Chapter gives you ideas on how to furnish your play space and the end of the book features a Glossary and several Appendixes with resources, many of which will be now obsolete.

Most of the sections are fairly comprehensive and most people, even advanced players will no doubt find useful information in it.  I especially enjoyed the part that described the Doms and subs you should avoid with monikers like: Divina Nolo Mentis, Autoerotico Fabula, Neandrathal Vulgaris, and Femme Desparata.  While these caricatures are tongue-in-cheek, it is amazing how you can find their likeness in “real” scene players so easily.  Another myth the authors discount is the 24/7 lifestyle Master/slave relationship which they say is too much pressure, unrealistic and unhealthy, and for the most part I’d have to agree.  I have rarely seen people live these roles constantly in a relationship and last very long.  Not to mention that relationships evolve and dynamics change.

So, there are some great pointers in this book, lots of useful info and plenty to read, if you can get past the POV, kitschy humor, and sometimes egotistical sexism.  And, don’t forget there are a lot of varying perspectives, so read other books on the subject, join your local BDSM group when you feel ready, and find a good mentor to help you learn the ropes.

Screw the Roses | BDSM | Sex Toys

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Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships

by Domina Doll on 06/20/2024

in book, books, polyamory, polygamy, relationships, Tristan Taormino, tristantaormino

openingup Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships

“Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships” by Tristan Taormino is an enlightening and thought-provoking book that explores the diverse aspects of nonmonogamous relationships from solo polyamory, to partnered nonmonogamy, to triangles and groups.  The book features a wealth of information from stats to brief histories of polyamory in the U.S., as well as Taormino’s own research on the subject where she interviewed over 100 people living in open relationships over the past ten years.

The Guide begins by relating the history of polyamory, as well as breaking the myths of monogamy and traditional relationships, why you might want to choose a nonmonogamous lifestyle and what makes nonmonogamy work.  Section 2 looks at the many styles or models of nonmonogamous relationships and Section 3 talks about creating and sustaining relationships.  There is also a resource guide at the end which lists books, organizations and websites for further information.

Throughout the book Taormino uses checklists and practical advice for the reader which she says can be used like a roadmap to navigate your own way through the different styles and create your own model based on you and your partner(s) needs, desires, and unique situation(s).  Like any emotional or sexual relationship, polyamorous relationships have unique problems, potential issues and conflicts that arise that are common to open relationships.  Taormino deals with each of these giving practical advice and coping strategies including: jealousy, fear of abandonment, time management, negotiating boundaries, violating agreements, new desire, coping with change, safer sex as well as legal issues.

The highlight of the book is the real life experiences Taormino uses with quotes, stories and advice from a diverse group of people who share their desires, fears, challenges, solutions, successes and failures with the reader to provide meaningful context.  This book is really a thoughtful and comprehensive guide on open relationships of all kinds, leaving no stone unturned.  Enlightening, inspirational, and practical, this book is for anyone interested in or already living in responsible nonmonogamous relationships.

You can purchase “Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships” by Tristan Taormino at Babeland.


Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships

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Tantra for Erotic Empowerment

by Domina Doll on 04/12/2024

in book, books, sacred sex, sacred sexuality, sexuality, tantra

Tantra for Erotic Empowerment: The Key to Enriching Your Sexual Life
by Mark A. Michaels (Author), Patricia Johnson (Author), Tristan Taormino (Foreword)

tantra for erotic empowerment Tantra for Erotic Empowerment

Tantra for Erotic Empowerment is an instructional book that focuses on the erotic possibilities of  Tantric Sex, written by life partners Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson, a “devoted married couple who have been teaching Tantra and Kriya yoga together since 1999″ .  Unlike many other books I have read on the subject of Tantra, this book teaches the spiritual quest for enlightenment in its most ancient form, rather than the watered-down versions you normally see for Western culture.  This doesn’t mean that the book is overly esoteric or the concepts difficult to grasp, as Michaels and Johnson explain the aspects of Tantra in the most elementary terms.  It is however, a healthy tome, with a wealth of information on sexuality, sexual spirituality, pleasure, desire, meditation, energy, bliss, transformation and union: basically everything your need to begin your Tantric journey as a novice, or expand upon the teachings you have already learned as an experienced practitioner.  In other words, this is not a quick study guide.  In fact, it has taken me many weeks to read from cover to cover, a rewarding experience that was well worth every word.  The authors actually recommend using the book by reading one chapter per week and then practicing what you have learned, which is the best way to approach this book.

The text features a foreword by Tristan Taormino, fifty-two exercises to do yourself solo or with your partner, multiple illustrations and photographs of Michaels and Johnson showing the various positions, as well as a complete glossary to help you understand all the terminology.  It is also written to be inclusive to all genders and sexual persuasions.

What is best about this book is that the authors use many of their own experiences as a practical guide to inform the reader and guide you on your spiritual quest of sexual enlightenment and pleasure.  It covers all aspects of sexual spirituality and has information both valuable to novices and those already knowledgeable in the art of Tantra.

“Tantra for Erotic Empowerment is a book for those who want to get a taste of Tantric sexuality firsthand, for those who wish to understand their own sexuality more deeply, enhance the sexual component of their relationships, or explore some simple meditation techniques that embrace sexuality as a tool for spiritual growth…  At the same time, Tantra for Erotic Empowerment is not solely for beginners, since it explores both the theoretical and practical aspects of Tantra in some depth and includes exercises that even readers who are familiar with contemporary Tantra and Neo-Tantra should find both challenging and original…  We focus on consciousness, an experimental attitude, and, above all, pleasure…” –From the Introduction of the book.

This is certainly one of the best and most thorough books I have read on  Tantra, which is sure to help anyone interested in these topics enhance their sexual pleasure and intimacy together, as well as guide them on the path to their own sexual and spiritual awakening.

You can purchase Tantra for Erotic Empowerment at Amazon.com.  Thank you to the authors for allowing me the pleasure to review their book and to Viviane for suggesting it to me.

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The Mistress Manual

by Domina Doll on 04/03/2024

in bdsm, book, books, dominance, femdom

mistressmanual The Mistress Manual

“The Mistress Manual: A Good Girl’s Guide to Female Dominance” is an instruction handbook by Mistress Lorelei, published by Greenery Press. Its focus is on heterosexual female dominance, but much of the information can be adapted to other gender play scenarios. Written by Lorelei, an experienced lifestyle Dominatrix and feminist, it provides information to women “at all levels of the art”.

In Part One: Becoming a Mistress, Lorelei talks about how expressing one’s female dominance is liberating within the constraints of patriarchal culture, by transforming the power exchange and defying the prescribed gender roles. She also encourages women (and men) to embrace their “shadow selves”, the sides that are denied them in everyday life, but ones they can experience through fantasy. According to the author, the submissive is able to experience an emotional catharsis, by letting go and enjoying a sense of freedom.

Part Two: The Mistress in Action discusses practical ways to assert one’s dominance, the art of discipline and the skills one needs to become a successful Domme. Some of the tools the author examines includes using suspense (mystery and anticipation) and variation to create a compelling scene fantasy, creating a set, using costumes and props, choreographing a scene, punishment as a form of pleasure and release, as well as rewards and aftercare. She also provides plenty of information on various techniques including spanking and flagellation, bondage, humiliation and forms of control.

In Part Three: The Five Archetypal Fantasies, Lorelei introduces the main role playing models: Nursemaid, Governess, Queen, Amazon and Goddess and what part these play in fulfilling fantasies. The following chapters then go on to explain these roles in depth with examples and suggestions. The book also includes an afterword with “Ten Rules for a Successful Mistress” which is a visual summary of the lessons learned within.

The Mistress Manual has a wealth of information, much more than can be covered in a short review. It is well written, with an emphasis on the psychological as well as the physical aspects of D/s. It is an excellent read that has plenty to offer for both novices and seasoned pros.

The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl’s Guide to Female Dominance

is available on Amazon.com The Mistress Manual

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