From the category archives:

relationships

Helen Boyd (who I had the pleasure of meeting at DO SF) writes:

One woman has a low libido, & comes to raging conclusions about how most women do, too. (sigh)

For the record, for most of the couples who have attended my “Uneven Libidos” workshop (which I do exclusively at Dark Odyssey), just the opposite is true: more of the guys complain about having the lower libido. & I just wonder – since the one thing I would say is different about DO than about any other grouping of people talking about sex – if the difference depends very much on exactly how much experimentation the woman has done viz her own sexuality, that is, if she’s gone to any great lengths – & I mean great lengths – to find out what exactly turns her on.

Because I think there are still taboos in place, sometimes not even the ones from outside of us, the culture & our religions & our laws, even, but rather the ones that are inside. From where I’m standing, a lot of those internal taboos are about being correctly gendered in terms of our desires.

But one thing I’m clear about: what the world needs now is not another book about how women’s low libidos are natural, or that they’re low because women are women.

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….Spring is here and the restaurants will soon be filled with anxious and hopeful couples, ordering wine, dusting off their most luminous lies, thinking they might finally have found love. Then they will see their dates’ homes for the first time. And suddenly some of them will realize that they cannot be with this person a moment longer — or at the very latest, because that wine was not cheap, beyond the next morning. A few whose homes have been romantic deal breakers may, like Mr. Podell, know what went wrong and choose to ignore it, seeing their apartments as a reflection of their brave refusal to bow to conventional taste.

(more…)

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…With full acknowledgement that men’s tastes in women are as unpredictable as the plotline of “24,” these are some of things that many men value in “the one.”

A Woman with a Passion in Something Other Than Him
Yes, it’s nice to be doted over. Yes, it’s nice to be pampered. Yes, it’s nice to be with a woman who showers you with compliments, neck kisses, and all of her attention. But there’s a virtual Great Wall of China between a fleeting, flirtatious glance and the kind of attraction that can last a lifetime. Many men say they like a woman who’s immersed in something else other than the relationship — be it her work, or her sport, or whatever her “thing” is. Why? The passion she shows for something else confirms her inherent goodness, her personal drive, her independence. All pluses in the woman we’re hoping to spend a few decades with.

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kinkyjews KinkyJews: An Evening of Jewish Lit EroticaJay Michaelson, Wayne Hoffman, Felice Shays, Lisa Beth Kovitz,
Phil S. Stein, Ronnie Koenig
Date: Mar 22 2007
Time: 7:00pm – 9:00pm
Location: KGB Bar, 85 East 4th St., NYC

Jay Michaelson is an award-winning writer, educator, and student ofcontemplative practice. He is a columnist for The Forward,the chief editor of Zeek: A Jewish Journal of Thought and Culture,and the author of God in Your Body: Kabbalah, Mindfulness, and Embodied Spiritual Practice (2006). Jay is both a Ph.D candidate in Jewish mysticism at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem,and a devoted student of Kabbalah, meditation, and contemplative practice.

Wayne Hoffman is author of a novel, Hard.He has published stories in several anthologies: about phone sex and Hebrew school (in “Generation Q”), Princess Diana and leather bars (in “BarStories”), coming out and Passover Seders (in “Mama’s Boy”), and others. By day, he is The Forward’s managing editor.

Felice Shays fists watermelons. Her shows: Felice Brutality, Jew, Hungry?, and PsychoSemitic have been produced at Dixon Place, WOW Café Theater, The National Queer Arts Festival (San Francisco), etc. A NYC-based sex and BDSM advisor/educator and sex party producer, Felice travels the country encouraging people to do all sorts of breathtaking sexual feats.

Lisa Beth Kovetz is an award winning writer and producer. Her novel TheTuesday Erotica Club has been translated into 14 languages. With her company Flying South Productions, Kovetz created the Jazz Baby CDs, featuring Poncho Sanchez, Taj Mahal, Billy Preston, Cybill Shepherd, Jim Belushi, and more. Kovetz’ plays are produced around the world. She will be reading “Naked on the Rabbi’s Toilet Bowl”.

Phil S. Stein has worked the halls of power – including the board rooms of several of the world’s top media and Wall Street firms, the film and TV business, US presidential campaigns, and most recently educational institutions and political parties in Israel – applying his anthropologicaland literary gimlet eyes for global institutions as a marketing expert. From his days as a campus gay leader in the early 90s, Phil has written onissues of gay rights, AIDS, and the fetish world. He’s also one of thefounders and creators of the international men’s foot fetish organization and site FootFriends.com, and published kinky erotica. Phil recently returned from two years in Israel, where he explored his Jewish heritage, the ultra-orthodox world, yeshivas, Israeli politics, and various communities (gay, straight, and otherwise), about which he’s begun to write.

Ronnie Koenig earned her BA in theater at Barnard College and her MFA inplaywriting at Ohio University. She is a freelance writer for magazines such as Cosmopolitan and Penthouse and was the editor-in-chief of Playgirl magazine. Her play, Dirty Girl, which is based on her experiences at Playgirl, was at The Kraine Theater.

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  • Erin Bradley: Miss Information (Nerve)
  • Em & Lo: Ralphina Macchio: “My boyfriend’s being a crybaby because I can beat him up.”
  • Judy McGuire: Date Girl: Desperado (Seattle Weekly)
  • Dan Savage: Savage Love
  • Cory Silverberg: Ruining Sex for the Next Generation
  • Mistress Matisse: Word to the Wise (The Stranger)
  • Tristan Taormino: Hard to Swallow (Village Voice)
  • violet blue: Gay for Pay / Are there really any straight men in gay porn? (San Francisco Chronicle)
  • Sex Advice from…Rock Climbers (Nerve)

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…My job intercepting folks recently split from a date and a favorite sex toy, as well as my own trials deciding where to store and how to transport my own favorites, has allowed me to develop what I would like to put forward as “Best Practice Guidelines for Sex Toy Custody Cases.” While some of these may be somewhat lesbi-centric, I like to think they might lend a helping hand in most cases. I may not have all the answers, ie; three-way couple breaks up and has to decide the fate of their Nexus double-dildo…but most cases could benefit from these simple, sensible guidelines… (more…)

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The trouble with chicks is that I don’t understand them. It doesn’t matter whether a woman is 13 or 55, they all act the same. One minute you’re their best friends, the next you’re persona non grata. Just today I lost a girlfriend because she thinks that I want to steal her boyfriend. This is a boyfriend that I have never met. I have no history of stealing boyfriends from my girlfriends. Mostly, I don’t even like the same type of man as my girlfriend’s do. On this occasion, my girlfriend showed me a picture of a guy that she had just met off a website and I commented that he was cute. I didn’t say, ‘Wow, if he gets sick of you, tell him to ring me’ or ‘He shouldn’t be going out with you. He’s much more my type.’ I just said he was cute. I didn’t fancy him. I didn’t want to meet him. I was just happy that my girlfriend met a guy that liked her and that she liked. End of story…. or so I thought.

(more…)

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…We got back to her room and honestly I’d only intended to kiss her. But the way she opens to me, the way she invites me in, every time, at every movement, with every gesture of her body, she doesn’t turn me away, doesn’t close me off, so when kissing becomes making out, making out becomes hands all over feeling her muscles her bones her curves, hands all over become palm, fingers on her thigh, on her stomach, and then she does this gentle movement of her knees, parting, I just want to enter her, oh my god with such a force I feel it driving through me.

(more…)

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Jessica Guynn, Chronicle Staff Writer

While it may be tough for the middle-aged of Silicon Valley to find a perfect partner, it’s never been easier for the young and the restless in the high-tech industry to make a love connection.

Members of this uninhibited generation can hit the launch-party circuit or hook up with the opposite sex using the very technology they are helping develop, a growing trove of Web sites where you can search for someone who shares your feelings and fetishes.

“They are using the actual tools of Web 2.0 to find more effective ways to get laid,” said San Francisco writer and humor columnist Min Jung Kim. (more…)

[via Sexerati]

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…No one knows for sure, of course, but I have a theory. I think it is the “Speed” factor.

No, I am not suggesting drugs were involved. I am talking about the Sandra Bullock/Keanu Reeves movie in which Bullock is a bus driver and Reeves is a police officer, and they are trying to prevent a bomb from killing everyone on the bus. If the bus slows down, “Boom!” So for what feels like an eternity, Bullock and Reeves are trapped on a speeding metal behemoth, barely surviving death on at least 10 occasions, and “getting to know each other.”

After enduring this stressful environment, saving all the passengers on the bus and living to tell about it, what else is left to do but fall into each others’ arms and kiss like mad? (more…)

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Do you have one of those relationship dealbreaker lists? You know, the list that describes the qualities you have to have in a man, along with the qualities you simply won’t tolerate?

If you’ve taken the time to write such a list, I’m impressed!

Now put it away.

Then, being as honest as you can be with yourself, make two brand new lists:

  • The “Good Qualities I Bring to a Relationship” list

And…

  • The “Not-So-Good Qualities I Bring to a Relationship” list

Why these two lists? Let me give you an example from my own life.

During a bad fight with a man years ago, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in a mirror. I was more upset at the person I saw in that mirror than I was at the person across the room, hurling putdowns at me.

In the moment, I knew that being with this man would continue to bring out my worst qualities. In fact, with him, I was turning into someone I really didn’t want to be. And knowing that — even more than recognizing what a mean son of a bitch he was — made it impossible for me to stay in the relationship. (more…)

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1. How To Avoid Feeling Jealous Over Really Dumb Things

2. How To Remember That Wherever You Go, There You Are

3. How To Embrace The No-Fault Breakup

4. How To Have Sex If You’re A Sex Columnist

5. How To Find A Lasting Relationship For Yourself If You’re A Dating Coach

6. How To Get Married While Remaining Single

7. How To Become A Parent While Remaining Childless

8. How To Make Love Like A Porn Star

9. How To Comment Appropriately On Your Girlfriend’s Appearance

10. How To Finally Get Over The Lingering Fantasy Of That Long-Lost Love

Happy Valentine’s Day. (more…)

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Originally uploaded by rkb1.

Thank heavens for Sexytime- the comedy show that’s ready to bone the everloving crap outta you RIGHT NOW!

Expect risque antics from cohosts Brandy Crawford and Heather Fink along with a great lineup. Comedians Dave Hill, Giulia Rozzi, and Jordan Carlos, bring their kick ass jokes to the stage along with an appearance by sexpert/former Village Voice columnist/author/fun gal Rachel Kramer Bussel, AND the musical stylings of Esther Ku. Giveaways and fun always ensues, plus the hosts wear cute outfits which they spend a lot of time selecting before the show and make messes of their rooms in the process-all for comedy! And outfits!
And SEXYTIME!

Date: Friday Feb 16. midnight
Location: Mo Pitkins, 34 Avenue A, NYC
Cost: Tickets $5.

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Feisty, take-no-prisoners columnist (she nicknamed President Bush ‘Shrub’) and author Molly Ivins, passed away yesterday, after a long battle with breast cancer:

The 62-year-old writer was a rare commodity in Texas – a liberal – who wrote a twice-weekly column that appeared in at least 300 newspapers. Based in Austin, her commentary appeared in national magazines from Harper’s to Playboy, and her Texas drawl was heard parsing events on shows ranging from 60 Minutes to The NewsHour With Jim Lehrer.

She did not confine her humorous skewering to Republicans. She aimed it at wherever she perceived pomposity or wrongdoing.

Of the Gore-Bush presidential race in 2000 she said, “It’s like having Ted Baxter of the old ‘Mary Tyler Moore’ show running for president: Gore has Ted’s manner and Bush has his brain.”

more from the obituary here.

[via Feministing]

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NOTE: This essay was written by a woman interviewed by The Washington Post whose mother helps her find dates on Match.com.

Jennifer Aniston. Christie Brinkley. Sheryl Crow. Teri Hatcher. Either dumped or cheated on in a most humiliating and public way.

Every woman in the dating world has thought, “If it can happen to her, it can happen to me.” While he’s snoring away, we think quietly at night about what we can do to make sure it doesn’t happen to us.

We respond by trying to make our stomachs flatter, our boobs bigger, our faces prettier, and our clothes tighter and more revealing. We do everything possible to please our man. You prefer French cooking? Mais oui, mon cher! You want my hair long? No problem, I’ll get a hair extension. Spending part of your vacation with buddies? Go have a good time. You don’t want to be with my family on Christmas? I’ll see you on New Year’s Eve. Is that OK or would you prefer some other time? Do you like my mani-pedi’d, spray on tanned, liposuctioned, Pilates body? Can’t commit? Oh, that’s right. You’re just not that into me. Or her. Or her. Or her.

What the hell has happened? Three words. Match dot com. Match.com and other online dating services have given men access to thousands and thousands of women in every city who look just as great in jeans and a little black dress (the requirement in every man’s profile), a smorgasbord of women each one more delicious to devour than the next. (more…)

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