Jefferson

FOJ email banner 1 Friends of Jefferson: Psychiatric Fees

Does someone involved in BDSM or polyamory do so due to pyschopathology? That question will be addressed in the next phase of our custody case.

As anticipated, the judge has ordered psychiatric evaluations of each parent. In my case, this is called for due to the BDSM and polyamorous activities described in my blog.

As we go through this phase, each parent will meet individually with the psychiatrist for multiple sessions. How many sessions has yet to be determined, but it will be an extensive process. We are to make available all past and current medical and therapy records. We are told to expect that this process will take at least ninety days. So, come Christmas, we’ll likely still be at it.

While we hope that the law guardian, plaintiff’s attorney and my own attorney can agree on a psychiatrist to conduct these studies at a reduced fee rate requested by the court, apparently there are not many doctors willing to accept those lower fees.

So far, we are being quoted standard or slightly reduced charges somewhere between four hundred and six hundred dollars an hour. This process generally involves ten to twenty hours of sessions for each parent. I’m responsible for paying half the total cost, and so face bills between four thousand and twelve thousand dollars.

I’m perfectly confident that, like the great majority of people involved in BDSM and/or polyamory, my sexuality is not compelled by pathology. I am confident that my sexuality does not adversely affect my abilities as a parent. I take great joy in the fact that my children are well adjusted and thriving.

That said, I appreciate the court’s desire to err on the side of caution when the best interests of children are concerned. The court should be assured of each parent’s mental health as we go forward in this matter.

Your support of my legal fund is most appreciated in this phase. While each parent undergoes this extensive process of psychiatric evaluation, there are not likely to be dramatic events to report. For the next ninety days or so, we will each be in private sessions. We won’t have an outcome to report until that concludes.

During this phase, your contributions will go to the psychiatrist as well as to the children’s law guardian and my own attorney.

After this phase, we will be faced with concerns directly relating to free speech and custody: what will the court decide about this parent’s right to write about parenting and sexuality in this blog?

Please feel free to post this appeal (or links to it) on your blogs, and to spread the word within groups and networks concerned with parenting, sexuality and free speech.

Make an ANONYMOUS, TAX-DEDUCTIBLE contribution to Jefferson’s legal defense by visiting the Sexual Freedom Defense and Education Fund at:

Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund

Please remember to specify that your donation is earmarked for the Jefferson Legal Defense Fund. The Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund affirms that these earmarked donations are tax deductible.

FOJ email banner 1 Psychiatric Evaluation

Not long after I announced that my ex had discovered my blog and made an emergency application to the court seeking sole custody of our children, I was contacted by numerous parents who had been though similar court challenges of their custody based upon their particular sexual lifestyles.

A father wrote to share his sympathies, offering to do anything he could to help. He told me his ex had won custody of their children on the basis of his involvement with BDSM. I was contacted by another parent, a woman who had retained custody of her children despite her ex’s efforts to prove her unfit because she is transgendered. I heard from many other parents whose suitability as custodial parents was called into question based on their sexuality or lifestyle. Some had lost custody, some had won custody, but all knew how harrowing the court process is —not only for the parents, but for the children as well.

Those of us who choose to blog our lives do so at some risk, particularly those of us with readers who may seek to use our words against us. As it happens, parents like myself who do so enter into a gray area in the rights to free speech. In child custody cases, the basic standard is the best interests of the child. The definition of “best interests” may differ according to each specific child in each specific situation. First Amendment concerns in relationship to child custody issues remains largely undefined and untested. It is uncertain how a court will decide when faced with an author, such as myself, who blogs and has also been published in respected and “legitimate” publications over the years. Free speech is a real concern in this case: will the court decide that I am no longer allowed to write about the coexistence of my life as a joint custodial parent and as a sexually active adult?

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Event

by Viviane on 08/28/2025

in Jefferson, legal

foj email banner 1 300x135 Event

Here’s a note from Jefferson about last night’s fundraiser. Thank you to all those who contributed, volunteered or attended! -Viviane

Last night’s Friends of Jefferson event was a great success. Thanks to everyone who attended and contributed. Thanks especially to those who donated items to the raffle—which included, my gosh, an original drawing by Nayland Blake!—and also to the hard-working Friends of Jefferson steering committee, which made it all happen.

A very nice chunk of change is now on its way to the legal defense fund administered by the Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund.

I hear the event was a real hootenanny. I didn’t actually attend, as, I am happy to report, I had prior commitments. I prepared a statement that Lolita was good enough to read to those who attended. You can read it here—you just have to imagine my words spoken in Lolita’s gorgeous Queens accent.

Thanks to everyone for coming to tonight’s event. I’m sorry I can’t be there with you, but see, the thing is: I’m home with my children.

And that’s your doing! Thanks to your support of the legal fund established by the Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund, I’ve been able to retain an extraordinary attorney, as well as a court-ordered law guardian for the children. Based on the law guardian’s observations, the judge ordered a return to joint custody as this case proceeds. This was a great step toward resolving the case with joint custody permanently restored.

However, there are still hurdles to be faced. The case is not resolved and could stretch out for months. While I’m unable to speak directly about the case, I can say that my ex filed in such a way as to make this as expensive a process as possible, counting on her great financial advantage over me.

She knew I didn’t have much money. What she didn’t anticipate is how many friends I have, or how supportive our communities can be. She certainly didn’t expect that I would find such a fine lawyer—which I did, thanks to the Kink Aware Professionals list maintained by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom and available on their website.

Should I be successful in having the case dismissed or obtaining an order permanently reinstating joint custody, it will be a lesson to all that neither a person’s sexuality nor his writing should adversely affect his suitability as a good and custodial parent. It is entirely possible to be a parent and “pervert.”

Have fun tonight. Enjoy your Mister Gingers and the company of some of the finest perverts I know. And thanks!

You can help by making an ANONYMOUS, TAX-DEDUCTIBLE contribution to Jefferson’s legal defense at

Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund

Please remember to specify that your donation is earmarked for the Jefferson Legal Defense Fund. The Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund affirms that these earmarked donations are tax deductible.

detailsv5 Friends of Jefferson Fundraiser,  Aug. 27

Join the Friends of Jefferson
on August 27, 7 -10 p.m.
at
Happy Ending Lounge

302 Broome Street, NYC • B or D to Grand Street
J, M, Z to Bowery • F to Delancy

$20 suggested donation—but pay what you wish

Come and get your spank on at the Spanking Booth!

Enter to win:

GRAND PRIZE – original drawing by Nayland Blake
Babeland gift certificates babeland.com
Books • DVDs • Museum passes
Venus Ropes Whip-and-Cane Bag Set and RopeA Scene or Lesson with Boymeat
The Erotic Art of Spanking
DVD w/ book by Lolita Wolf
Hitachi Magic Wand
Home Depot Pervertibles Kit
For Your Nyphomation Flogger Trunk
Edens Fantasys Gift basket|
A Scene or Lesson with Lolita Wolf
Lubricious Lube

2 passes to the Sexies Awards
2 National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF) memberships
2 NCSF T-shirts

and more!

Drink specials! Mister Ginger (ginger infused vodka, ginger ale, and fresh lime juice) only $4 from 7-9pm. Blue Ribbon beer for just $3 and single liquor well drinks for just $7 all night long.

Jefferson’s ex-wife sued for full custody of his kids, because of his involvement with alternative sexual expression, despite an absence of any evidence that his sexuality adversely impacts his children, and despite an abundance of evidence that he is a conscientious and responsible father. You can see more info and updates at his blog, One Life Take Two

100 percent of door donations and raffle proceeds benefitthe Friends of Jefferson Legal Defense Fund, which is administered by the Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund.

If you can’t join us, please consider making an ANONYMOUS, TAX-DEDUCTIBLE contribution to Jefferson’s legal defense by visiting the Sexual Freedom Defense and Education Fund.

Please remember to specify that your donation is earmarked for the Jefferson Legal Defense Fund. The Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund affirms that these earmarked donations are tax deductible.

Permission is granted to forward or post this to your blog or other lists. In fact, we would appreciate it if you helped spread the word. Thanks!

detailsv5 Friends of Jefferson fundraiser, Aug. 27

Join the Friends of Jefferson
on August 27, 7 p.m. to 10 p.m.
at
Happy Ending Lounge
302 Broome Street, NYC • B or D to Grand Street
J, M, Z to Bowery • F to Delancy

$20 suggested donation—but pay what you wish

Come and get your spank on at the Spanking Booth! Enter to win:

Babeland gift certificates • Books • Venus Ropes Whip-and-Cane Bag Set and Rope • A Scene or Lesson with Boymeat • The Erotic Art of Spanking DVD w/ book, by Lolita Wolf • Hitachi Magic Wand • Home Depot Pervertables Kit • DVDs • For Your Nyphomation Flogger Trunk • A Scene or Lesson with Lolita Wolf • and more!

100 percent of door donations and raffle proceeds benefit the Friends of Jefferson Legal Defense Fund, which is administered by the Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund

[Graphic by Lynsey]