book

How to Be a Dominant Diva

by Domina Doll on 03/27/2024

in book, books

How to Be a Dominant Diva
by Georgia Payne and Julie Taylor

dominantdiva How to Be a Dominant Diva

Ok, so who doesn’t want to be a Dominant Diva once in a while?  Even if you are submissive by nature, or like your partner to be the one in control, sometimes it is thrilling, fun, and empowering to switch the power exchange and bring a bit of unexpected excitement into a relationship.  This is what “How to Be a Dominant Diva” is all about.

This book is tremendously different than what I was expecting.  First, I thought by the title that it was a book that focused on D/s play.  And, while there is some spanking, bondage and blindfolding scenarios in the book, it is marketed towards vanilla heterosexual couples.  Second, I thought it might be one of those lame books that gives you stupid ideas and quotes on every page, like: “Tonight, try a blindfold!” or “Flavored lubes are a great way to spice up oral sex!”  But, this book is actually way deeper and more interesting than that.

First of all, the book is written by two fairly qualified Divas.  Julie Taylor is a writer for Cosmopolitan and Glamour and “has written over 100 sex and relationship features for major magazines”.  Georgia Payne is “one of America’s most prominent dominatrixes with a large clientele in both Los Angeles and New York.”  Both these women are long time friends and have put their ideas and experience together in creating this book, with 69 sexy scenarios you can use with your partner to add a bit of spontaneity and exhilaration into an otherwise “ordinary” love life.

I was actually impressed with the thought put into creating these erotic adventures, such as “Naughty Nurse,” “Treasure Hunt,” “Driving Miss Diva,” “Naked Sushi,” “Abduction Seduction,” and “Caught and Cuffed.”  Each scenario has a front page, then a pull out action plan to guide you through each encounter, detailing the props you will need to carry out your seductive quest.  The following is an excerpt from the book, courtesy of DominantDiva.com “Meet me at Halftime”.

meet me at halftime2 How to Be a Dominant Diva

There are a lot of inspiring ideas that will certainly give some fuel to your fire and get your partner’s motor running as well.  Each adventure uses the element of suspense and surprise to entice and seduce, which are techniques that many of us forget in our day-to-day lives.  Many are played out like games or scavengers hunts, in which your lover wins sex as the prize.  These sexual explorations are not just simple rolls in the hay but ideas that will turn each exploit into a sizzling “sexperience” and night to remember.

This book is a great activity book for those seeking ways to add more pleasure and excitement to their love life.  It’s a keeper and will give you lots of food for fodder to create your own unique sexcapades as well.

You can buy “How to Be a Dominant Diva” at Tabu Toys

and while there get some great sex toys to let the games begin!

tabutoys1 How to Be a Dominant Diva

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The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori

by Domina Doll on 02/25/2024

in bondage, book, Midori, shibari

The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori
Photography by Craig Morey
Publisher Greenery Press (2001)
175 pages, Softcover.

A few years ago (2005) I was lucky enough to take a bondage workshop with Midori: “Intro to Japanese and other Creative Rope Bondage Essentials” in Halifax at Venus Envy, one of the local sex shops.  It was one of two workshops I took with her and was an amazing experience.  Midori-only a small woman in stature-has a powerful and dynamic charisma; cool and collected with an authoritative presence that demands people sit back and take notice.

A friend of mine Kate volunteered to be Midori’s guinea-pig.  Kate is quite a bit taller than Midori, very butch and buff.  Although quite submissive, Kate plays mostly as a dominant as she doesn’t find too many Dom/mes who can handle her.  I was interested in seeing what Midori would do with her.

midori bondage The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori

First Midori stood before Kate and the audience dressed in a gorgeous sea foam and silver Asian-style dress, slowly unraveling a long piece of hemp rope and running it through her fingers as she stared Kate down.  The room was completely silent, except for a few uncomfortable giggles that were soon silenced by Midori’s schoolmarm stare, as Kate stood blushing profusely.  In “The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage“,  Midori explains this technique in detail in her “Analysis of a Scene”: “While effectively setting the tone and head space for the dominant, the visual effect of the top methodically stroking the ropes may be quite profound on the bottom…  Many different moods and attitudes might be presented… powerful and slightly intimidating… playful, humiliating…”  Of course, running the ropes through the hands at the beginning of the scene has many other practical uses as well such as untangling the rope, finding debris, and ridding the rope of its “bad habits.”

Next, Midori began to rub the rope over Kate’s body and head.  She held the rope up to Kate’s nose to allow her to smell it like an aromatic aphrodisiac.  Midori explains in her book the strong connection that many bottoms will make with the scent of the rope, associating it “with the sensual, sexual and magical experience of wonderful rope bondage scenes.”  This technique was obviously effective on Kate as she nearly swooned and leaned against Midori who took her weight.

Midori then made a rope blindfold to remove Kate’s sight and place her more into the scene, effectively blocking the audience from her view.  While Kate knew she was still on display, she quickly fell into the grove of Midori’s quick, clever hands working magic on her body.  Midori spun Kate around as she skillfully tied knots, moving the larger woman to her will, sometimes holding her a little off-balance, and then capturing her again within her strong embrace.  In her book, Midori says that the top should make the bottom move to their whim using “firm decisive moves, sometimes punctuated by a quick change in pace… to emphasize the emotional dominance and control the top has over the scene…”  She also calls this to tie with “gusto” where her rhythmic handiwork would suddenly change to a quick yank as she synched the knots which would rouse a sharp intake of breath and sigh from Kate.

Reading “The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage” was almost like being at Midori’s workshop once again, where rather than teaching the technical aspects of knot-work (Midori only showed us three knots), she demonstrates the dynamics of the scene itself.  In the book Midori talks about her personal history with rope bondage, the visual aesthetics of shibari including symmetry, tension, and balance, as well as introduces the reader to a brief history of Japanese bondage.  She covers safety elements and aftercare as well as explains the various types of rope and what they are best suited for.

The final section of the book shows seven classic positions with photographs by Craig Morey and simple diagrams, focusing on the techniques and knot-work.  Most of the techniques are fairly easy to follow, although some of them can get confusing, especially when a few illustrative steps are missed.  I would have preferred the images to be more step-by-step and photographed rather than line drawings.  As mentioned before, Midori doesn’t focus on difficult knots, but only shows a few basic ties, as she did in her workshop.  Her focus is not on technical skills but rather showing how bondage can be accomplished by a novice.  Any boy scout can learn to tie intricate knots and there are many books on that, but very few people can show effectively the dynamics of a scene like Midori can, that left my friend Kate a pile of wet, hot, quivering mush afterward.

If you haven’t had a chance to see one of Midori’s excellent bondage workshops I highly recommend this book.  It is a great introduction for beginners and I know many so-called “experts” in my BDSM community who would benefit from learning the dynamics of a scene as well.  For someone like me who has had the advantage of seeing Midori live, this book is a great reminder of all the techniques that are taught in her workshop (many that I had forgotten) and may inspire you to take up your rope again and begin practicing.

With the book that I received from Tabu Toys, I also got a length of Japanese Silk Love Rope (5 meters) to play with and practice my knots.  This rope comes in brilliant colors, is soft, yet strong and fairly easy to work with.  Together, “The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage” and the Japanese Silk Love Rope makes a great beginner’s rope kit to start playing with, and is also an excellent gift for your lover if you want to give them a subtle, yet effective hint.  You can purchase both items from Tabu Toys.

tabutoys The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori

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Sex, Magick and Spirit: Enlightenment through Ecstasy

by Domina Doll on 02/11/2024

in book, books, sacred sex, sacred sexuality, shopping, tantra

sexmagikspiritbook Sex, Magick and Spirit: Enlightenment through Ecstasy

“Sex is a potent method for directing and releasing magical energies.  The sexual act unites the polarities that exist within us to create a strong of energy which can be used to transform consciousness.”–from Sex, Magick and Spirit

Sex, Magick and Spirit by Bonnie L. Johnson and Peter L. Schuerman (Llewellyn Publications 1998) is a practical guide for those who want to explore the ancient mysteries of Sacred Sexuality.  Although it is an older book (1998) on tantra, it is not dated and the information is just as useful now as when I first got the book.  Of course, Tantra itself is an ancient practice, and Johnson and Schuerman’s book makes it accessible to modern-day readers.

Combining their knowledge and experience of Eastern Tantra and Western sex magic, Johnson and Schuerman offer easy to follow methods and techniques designed to explore the esoteric aspects of sexuality.  The book is written in a clear, precise language, including illustrations that demonstrate the various positions and exercises that make it even easier to understand.  It was created both for novice and experienced practitioners alike, with its simplicity and the wealth of information it offers the reader.  Anyone interested in exploring the sacred nature of sexuality will find this book a useful and inspiring resource.

“Sacred sex is a celebration of many things, but it is not merely celebratory. It is also a means of practicing magic, of transforming your consciousness in positive ways.”–from Sex, Magick and Spirit

Inside, the authors describe how to arouse the powers within in order to reach new levels of consciousness, how to heighten sensuality and intimacy between you and your partner “including hands-on techniques for experiencing union with one’s partner and with the Divine on all levels” and how to achieve personal transformation by harnessing the mystical powers of sex magick.

The book continues to delve deeper into the mysteries to describe the collective unconsciousness (Divine Consciousness) and the four main Palaeolithic and Neolithic Archetypes for Relationships, explaining how they relate directly with aspects of ourselves.  Many other topics include the seven energy centers (Chakras) and how to balance the energies and polarities within us, yoga exercises, massage, Kegel (or sex) exercises, breathing, meditation and visualization.   It candidly explains different aspects of sexuality and relationships like masturbation, prolonging arousal, breathing and orgasm, the energetics of sex, sexual ethics, oral and anal sex, tuning into your partner sexually, charging the energy centers, and the Sexuality Rituals such as Sacred Marriage and Sacred Prostitution.

“There were two primary types of sacred prostitution: one‑time prostitution, and long‑term devotion to the goddess. One‑time prostitution was an initiation rite for women, in which a girl, upon reaching puberty, would go to the temple of the goddess (Ishtar or one of her counterparts) and sit outside, waiting for a stranger to make an offering to the goddess and then to deflower her.”–from Sex, Magick and Spirit

Sex, Magic and Spirit is not only for those who practice Wicca, Yoga, Tantra or other Sacred Sexualities.  It is designed for those interested in experiencing greater intimacy, unity, balance, and metaphysical enlightenment with your partner and within yourself.

I personally found Sex, Magic and Spirit informative, well-written, enlightening and fascinating to read.  My partner and I enjoyed experimenting with the various techniques described in the book.  We both found the experience heightened our sensitivity to each others’ needs and brought greater awareness of our own.  I highly recommend this book for couples, individuals or pansexual groups who wish to delve deeper into their own sexual mysteries and awaken the God(dess) within.

Sex, Magic, and Spirit: Enlightenment Through Ecstacy Sex, Magick and Spirit: Enlightenment through Ecstasy is available through Amazon.com

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Best Sex Writing 2008

by Domina Doll on 01/30/2024

in book, pinkghetto, rachelkramerbussel

bestsexwriting2008 Best Sex Writing 2008

“Best Sex Writing 2008” by Cleis Press, is compilation of twenty-one provocative personal essays, sex journalism, and sex blogging that all focus on that one “dirty” word: sex.  In her introduction, Rachel writes: “Sex. One little word, so much drama. One little word, so many interpretations, definitions, permutations.”  Sex may be the only thing that links these essays, for they are all written from an eclectic range of voices with unique perspectives, exploring a diverse range of topics from sexual culture, sex work, sex toys and health, gender identity, race and crime.

While all of the essays were provocative, revealing information on numerous topics I had not considered, some really grabbed my attention including Ashlea Halpern’s graphic “Battle of the Sexless.”  This edgy essay examines-with razor-sharp detail-the agonizing journey through voluntary (sometimes self) castration and eunuch culture.  It reveals what motivates men to go to such extreme measures to become genderless and rid themselves of their testosterone-producing overactive libidos.  Castration, for reasons other than oncological, is considered “taboo surgery” in the medical community; so many men who want to get “cut” must resort to the “subculture of underground cutters willing to perform guerrilla surgeries in motel rooms, at medical fetish clubs, and just over the Mexican border.”  Although this article may make you cringe, it is not written for its shock value alone, but is treated with compassion.  A must read.

Another very intriguing article was Trixie Fontaine in “Menstruation: Porn’s Last Taboo.”  Oddly enough, I could identify with this piece very much as my study of film and feminist art has centered around the “abject” and the “monstrous feminine” which analyzes the role of women in the horror genre and the fascination with the bleeding female body as seen as the all-devouring vagina or vagina dentata.  Fontaine explores the veiled eroticism in menstruation porn, and the obscenity laws and double standards in the porn industry that accepts some body secretions (semen) as acceptable, while others (like menstrual blood) are seen as obscene and offensive.

Kelly Rouba’s “Tough Love,” is a first-person account of sexual ecstasy and disability, as she describes the challenges and frustrations as well as joys and accomplishments she and others who have physical disabilities experience while trying to achieve a fulfilling sex life.  This was a great article and a topic that isn’t written about enough.  When we think of sex, we often think in terms of able-bodied people.  Rouba notes that, “When we broaden our concept of sex, then it’s more inclusive.”

“Surface Tensions” by Jen Cross, stood out because of the personal style and nature of the piece.  It is an intimate journal narrative written in stream-of-consciousness style that explores the author’s struggle to cope with her conflicting gender identity and how she is perceived by other queers in the lesbian community based on her “surface” appearance.  This essay was emotionally and creatively articulated, and as a reader I could almost feel the tensions and emotional scars that lay buried just beneath the surface like violin strings ready to snap.

Another one of my favorite essays was Greta Christina’s “Buying Obedience: My Visit to a Pro Submissive.”  This piece is a spellbinding glimpse into the world of sex work, when a former stripper desires to experience sex work from the other side, as a consumer who pays for a professional submissive.  Written in four parts, it explores the liaison from first conceptualization, to her fears and expectations and the encounter itself, then finally her analysis of it afterward.  The writing is sexually charged and riveting, and one feels as though they are a fly on the wall in the house of lust-created within the reader’s mind.

Sex bloggers Lux Nightmare and Melissa Gira’s “The Pink Ghetto: A Four Part Series” looks into the complex world of writing for sex and the stigmatization of having to deal with their “fringe identities.” They explain mainstream’s view that only sluts write about sex which leads to them getting “blackballed (pinkballed?) from any kind of ‘legitimate’ work”.

Finally, other interesting reads include “Dangerous Dildos,” Tristan Taormino’s investigation into the phthalate sex toy debate; and “Sex in Iran” by Pari Esfandiari and Richard Buskin that uncovers the sex and drugs culture of Islamic youth whose ideals clash with the fundamentalist authority.

Best Sex Writing 2008 is a must read for those who want to be intellectually stimulated by provocative essays that explore the edges of sexuality, and as Rachel notes at the end of her introduction: “[like] good sex should do: leave[s] you wanting more.”  Rachel Kramer Bussel certainly has her finger on the pulse of the world of sex writing.

Get Your Copy of Best Sex Writing 2008 at Amazon.com Best Sex Writing 2008

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Unusual Book Find (Booksaga)

by Viviane on 07/02/2025

in book, sex

….As it happens so often, the books she had to offer weren’t worth a damn. But seeing as how she seemed so relieved that they would be going to a worthy cause I said I would take them, about 100 books in all. From what I could tell at the time without unpacking all the boxes, most of the books were book club editions, hardbacks without jackets at that. I knew exactly what they were good for, but, again, I said I’d take them. I gave her $15 for the bunch (actually for her open, generous spirit), loaded the boxes in my truck, and left.

I have just unpacked the first box to see if it contained anything remotely interesting. Toward the bottom, one of the books, when I picked it up, had an unusual, top-heavy heft to it which, when I tilted it toward me, slid downward with an audible click. I opened the cover. This is what I found inside:

001 Unusual Book Find (Booksaga)

Update: I’ve now gone through all the boxes and looked at all the books and a surprising number of them have been hollowed out with Polaroids stashed inside. The women depicted are varied (ethnically and size-wise) and the pictures range from softcore to extreme hardcore. Some of the images are very bizarre, at times grotesque.

At this point I’m at a loss as to what I should do with this stuff.

Link

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