Jefferson

Chemistry

by Jefferson on 01/22/2024

in sex

“Oh my God,” Tilda shouted over the music. “Devo! I haven’t heard this in years.”

“I think I remember how to dance to this,” I shouted back. I punched her upper chest with the flat of my fist. “When a problem comes along . . .”

She threw back her shoulder and lifted her chin. “You must whip it!” We danced, the beat punctuated by my fist against her chest.

We had been meaning to come to Chemistry for a while. We rarely made it to sex parties other than our own and this one had been getting good marks from our friends. Held in a loft in Brooklyn, Chemistry offered the space for three distinct areas: a quiet space for conversation and massages, a boisterous dance area with a good DJ and a bring-your-own-bottle bar, and, the main attraction, a multi-tiered area reserved for sex. We knew we’d know some people there. Perhaps we’d also prowl for fresh meat.

We took a break from dancing to return to the sex space. We’d earlier enjoyed a spontaneous foursome with a bisexual fellow we knew in the company of a woman who confessed to crushing on Tilda. Now we wandered the room like casual shoppers, holding hands as we looked to see if anything caught our fancy. I saw room on a bench, next to a couple making out. I turned to Tilda. “Care for some cocksucking?”

Tilda put a finger to her cheek. “You know, I think I might like that.”

We walked to the bench. “Excuse me,” I interrupted the couple. “Mind if we join you on the bench?”

The woman looked over her shoulder and sized me up. “No, sure, that’s cool.” She returned to kissing her date. I thanked her, unfastened my belt and dropped my pants. Tilda lowered herself to her knees, smiling as she crawled closer to my lap. She moaned as she took me in her mouth.

“That’s nice, so good,” I said, caressing her hair as I grew hard in her mouth. Sitting back, I surveyed the room. On a raised platform to my left, I could see the shoulders of two men supporting the legs of the women they were fucking. A cluster of people writhed on the large bed below. A diaphanous curtain partly shielded an adjacent area from my view. Rows of couples had sex on the simple beds on the facing wall. My eyes returned to the couple making out next to us. She leaned forward to remove her bra. He stood to pull off his shirt. They were fast getting hot and heavy.

She was a certainly pretty, I thought, and he was a real looker. They were in their early twenties and, given the way they were shedding clothes with ease, as if accustomed to turning in together, night after night, I thought how nice it was that such a young couple was exploring parties like these so early in their relationship. Or perhaps they had been sweethearts for much longer, I conjectured as he went down on her; maybe they had applied to the same college so they could move to New York together.

I looked at Tilda. Her eyes were riveted on the couple as she continued to ride my cock with her face. My eyes turned back to see the couple looking at us. Tilda locked eyes with him as each of their mouths licked and sucked. The woman was staring up at me with a look that I could only answer with a kiss. She sighed into my mouth. I ventured a touch to her face; she turned toward me. I kissed her deeper, my hand moving to a breast, then, to the extent of my reach, to her soft flat belly.

He moved to retrieve a condom. She raised a hand to my neck. My cock grew deeper in Tilda’s mouth.

I kissed and was kissed, touched and was touched, as he fucked her, his eyes on us, watching. His smooth body was small and tightly defined, so that we could see the muscles twitch under his skin as he moved back and forth. A position changed and I could touch her wetness and, daring more, his cock in her. Her slight “oh God” told me to stay.

He came quickly. As he pulled out, Tilda took my cock from her mouth. “That was insanely hot,” she admired.

“Thanks,” the woman said, righting herself on the bench and shaking out her hair. “Thanks for watching. That was really hot.”

I indicated the hard cock in Tilda’s hand. “Would you care to go a little longer?”

She looked at me, confused for a moment before getting my meaning. “Oh no, thanks.” She pulled her bra onto her arms. “I’m good.”

“Happy to offer,” I said. “This is our first time here. How about y’all?”

“It’s my second,” she said.

“First,” he answered, tugging on his shirt.

“Oh,” Tilda said. “You also come separately? So you guys are in an open relationship, or . . .”

“Oh, no,” she said, looking back to him. “We just met.”

He wrested an arm from his shirt to extend a hand. “Yeah, hey. Jeremy.”

She took his hand in hers. “Cyndi.”

We laughed. “Okay,” Tilda said. “Now that was insanely hot.”

Tagged as: , , , , ,

Six Degrees of Sex

by Jefferson on 12/30/2024

in sex

You’ve heard of six degrees of separation, the sociology postulate-cum-parlor game popularized by John Guare’s play of the same name. The idea is that any two people on the planet may be connected by as few as five individuals. Connect yourself to Kevin Bacon and you’ve taken a hyperboost to your connectivity, as he is the apparent center of the six degrees universe.

My friends and I like to play six degrees of sex, which operates on the same principle, albeit in a somewhat sluttier derivation.

As it happens, anyone who plays the numbers with me gets cozy with the King, as I am five degrees of sex from Elvis. I slept with someone who slept with someone who slept with Ann-Margret who slept with Elvis. That’s a whole lot of shakin’ for me to pass on.

I’m fortunate to be linked to a pivot like Ann-Margret, as she’s had many affairs with the loose and famous. Because she slept with Warren Beatty, I’m six degrees of sex to Madonna. Sex with me leaves you seven degrees from Madge, which falls off the chart, but you do get a little shampoo in the bargain.

For a writing project, I’m collecting stories of six degrees of sex. Are you or someone you know six (or fewer) degrees of sex from an interesting connection? Perhaps it’s with a celebrity—hey, play your cards right and I can get you cozy with the King—or perhaps it’s via some other set of connections. Does your six degrees of sex led you circuitously back to a family member? Does it take you down Main Street, from fire department to post office to service station? Or perhaps it takes you back in time—a friend of mine, a gay man in his fifties, can trace six degrees of sex to Walt Whitman.

If you get lucky, you may find a prodigious pivot (like my Ann-Margret) who takes you in multiple directions. Curiously enough, it’s unlikely to be Kevin Bacon: he’s been married to Kyra Sedgwick for twenty years, and while it’s said that the couple likes their sex rough, they also apparently like it monogamous.

Think you’ve got a good story? Drop me a line at onelifetaketwo@gmail.com.

Tagged as:

Time Out, New York on Jefferson’s Custody/Free Speech Case

by Jefferson on 03/04/2024

in sex

FOJ email banner 1 Time Out, New York on Jeffersons Custody/Free Speech Case

My legal battles began in July, when my ex filed a motion seeking full custody of our children. But the battleground was laid a year ago this week, when my ex discovered coverage of One Life, Take Two in Time Out, New York’s annual “Secret Lives” issue.

This week, Time Out, New York pays a brief visit to those featured last year. Of yours truly, readers learn:

When the article appeared, the worst thing that could have happened happened: My ex-wife discovered it and sued for full custody of our kids. I contacted the Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund, which reviewed my case and set up a legal fund, making it possible to get a great attorney and preserve joint physical custody. On the one hand, having a sex blog and an unhappy ex-wife with deep pockets is a volatile combination. On the other, had I not had this blog I wouldn’t have had a community of readers that has made it possible to fight this battle.

Whatever Happened To . . . ?

Welcome to those first visiting this blog courtesy of Time Out, New York. My apologies for the current dearth of sex one would hope to find in a “sex blog.” I’ve kept this blog for four-and-a-half years, charting my new life after marriage. My aim has been to tell stories that address family as well as sexuality—custody, domesticity, childhood, parenting, dating, bisexuality, romance and sex have all been themes—to show that all can be openly discussed as weaves in the fabric of real life.

When the custody case began, I voluntarily closed my blog’s previous content and now post on matters concerning the ongoing case. I apologize for going Lenny Bruce on my readers—when busted for obscenity, he turned his performances into tedious discussions of the resulting trials. Don’t worry: this story doesn’t end with Dustin Hoffman sprawled on a bathroom floor. But a year in, it’s fair to wonder: where does it end?

I recently read Saul Bellow’s Humboldt’s Gift, and was struck by an observation the narrator made about his perpetual legal disputes with his ex-wife. He mused that protracted post-divorce court cases are really just extensions of the preceding marriages. So long as a couple is fighting, they are still together.

This year, we’ve been through an exhaustive process, some it documented in previous posts. Meetings with lawyers, court appearances, psychiatric evaluations, free speech negotiations, all while cutting check after check. My ex had spent twenty-five thousand dollars prior to filing the original motion, and that seems eons ago.

Our attorneys had an important conference on Inauguration Day. Watching President Obama’s speech as I waited to hear the outcome, I was struck by the everyday applications of these words: “People will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy.”

A Bellovian rehash of a failed marriage is simply destructive. There are good and constructive ways to build on collaborative relationships as co-parents. I look forward to moving ahead on those.

Make an ANONYMOUS, TAX-DEDUCTIBLE contribution to Jefferson’s legal defense by visiting the Sexual Freedom Defense and Education Fund at:

Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund
Please remember to specify that your donation is earmarked for the Jefferson Legal Defense Fund. The Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund affirms that these earmarked donations are tax deductible.

Tagged as: , , , , ,

Barbara Nitke on Jefferson’s Custody/Free Speech Case

by Jefferson on 03/04/2024

in barbaranitke, censorship, parenting

FOJ email banner 1 Barbara Nitke on Jeffersons Custody/Free Speech Case

I’ve long been an admirer of the photography of Barbara Nitke, both for its artistry and for its message of emphasizing the humanity of people in alternative sex communities. I was also struck by her bravery in defending free speech in challenging the constitutionality of the Federal Communications Decency Act of nineteen ninety-six, which regulates indecency and obscenity online. This was a fight closely watched by those in the arts and by those of us who publish online.

Barbara is an inspiration to those who care about freedom of expression, no matter the artist’s chosen media. She is kind enough to offer her support to my current battle.

Jefferson

To whom it may concern,

I am a professional photographer on the faculty of the School of Visual Arts in New York. My work has been the subject of one-woman exhibitions in New York, New Orleans, Baltimore, Provincetown and Philadelphia. My subjects include fashion, editorial and portraiture. Since nineteen eighty-two, I have also documented human sexuality.

I have known the man behind Jefferson for nearly a decade, first in a professional capacity and now as a friend. I’ve always been impressed by his intellectual curiosity and the respect and care he brings to sensitive subject matter.

These qualities continue to impress me as I’ve come to know his work as “Jefferson.” I’ve read his blog, attended his classes and observed his interactions with others. He brings great intelligence, humor and warmth to all of these. His blog is regarded as essential reading by those in the sex-positive community. Whereas other texts seek to teach by instruction, One Life, Take Two does so by example. Readers learn as “Jefferson” learns. We follow him through his passions, his upsets and his joy in the everyday, particularly in his stories about parenting. As a fellow artist, I fully respect the power of his documentary approach.

If anyone has exemplified responsibility in writing on sex and sexuality, it is Jefferson. I strongly support his right to continue writing freely.

I know the struggles Jefferson now faces. I was co-plaintiff in Nitke v Gonzalez, 413 F. Supp.2d 262 SDNY (2005), as we brought a pre-enforcement challenge to the Federal Communications Decency Act (CDA) on the ground that it was unconstitutionally overbroad. While I succeeded in proving that I had standing to bring that pre-enforcement challenge, unfortunately, the court held us to an impossible burden of providing “sufficient” evidence regarding “the total amount of speech that is implicated by the CDA and the amount of protected speech lacking in serious value, but potentially not patently offensive or appealing to the prurient interest in all communities.”

While we did not completely succeed in that case, the struggle to protect free speech and freedom of expression continues. I am heartened that many of the organizations and activists allied with me in that case are now rallying around Jefferson to support him in his current battle to preserve both his joint child custody and his freedom of speech and expression protections. Any silencing of Jefferson is a loss for art, free speech and the personal freedoms we cherish so much here in the United States of America.

Sincerely,

Barbara Nitke

Make an ANONYMOUS, TAX-DEDUCTIBLE contribution to Jefferson’s legal defense by visiting the Sexual Freedom Defense and Education Fund at:

Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund
Please remember to specify that your donation is earmarked for the Jefferson Legal Defense Fund. The Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund affirms that these earmarked donations are tax deductible.

Tagged as:

One Life, Take Two Blogoversary

by Jefferson on 11/26/2025

in sex

FOJ email banner 1 One Life, Take Two Blogoversary

This week marks my fourth blogoversary.

One Life, Take Two began as stories I wrote to amuse my drinking buddy Audacia, relating how curious sex and dating seemed after the demise of my long marriage, particularly as a single father to three young children. After a year of finding my love life in her inbox, Audacia persuaded me to start blogging. I didn’t know what blogs were, really, so she sat me down at my computer, and we turned my emails into the first entries on this blog.

At first, I wrote into a void, not sure that anyone would read what I posted. Then, very quickly, I had a readership that grew exponentially as I continued publishing. Writing had the unforeseen consequence of introducing me to new friends and—to my astonishment—lovers; many would subsequently start blogs of their own. I made introductions among the new people in my life and helped to foster more friendships. Now and then, I rediscovered romance and love. Now and then, I endured blog dramas as jealous lovers stalked one another online and other bloggers initiated puerile rivalries.

I learned along the way that that this was all part and parcel of a niche demimonde that revised Andy Warhol’s aphorism—in the future we inherited, everyone is famous to fifteen people.

For the past few years, I’ve marked my blogoversary by republishing my first post. Reading it now, I am struck by the wonder and excitement I felt in spending a weekend with a woman who seemed, incredibly, to feel passionate about being with me. A year and a half out my marriage, I was still surprised that anyone would find me desirable. I was no less surprised to find that readers connected to my efforts to put the revelations of this new life into words.

This year, I’m not republishing my initial post. Sex is off my blog for now, as I am dragged back into my marriage as my ex pursues her second bid to gain full custody of our children. She was resigned to joint custody after our divorce. Years later, armed with her discovery of my blog, she seeks to prove that my sexuality makes me an unfit parent.

Per the judge’s order, we have now entered into a phase in which each member of our family must undergo a psychiatric evaluation. Initially, the psychiatric evaluations were to be limited to the parents, but now the children are to be evaluated as well. I was initially dismayed by this change, as I hate for the children to be any more directly affected by the custody case than they unavoidably have been. However, as they case continues into its fifth month, the strain on the children has been showing. It’s good that they each have an opportunity to talk with a neutral party about their feelings about the anxieties and tensions of enduring a second custody fight. Having already met with the court-ordered psychiatrist for three hours, I’m comfortable to have the children discuss their feelings privately in this context, apart from other family members.

The end is not yet in sight. I’ve been told to expect the case to continue until at least April, perhaps until summer, by which time it will have been underway for a year.

There is good news to report. The judge’s order directed that the costs of the psychiatric evaluation be borne by the city and state, not by my family. Further, the evaluations will not require as many sessions as was originally predicted. This relieves great burdens in the expense of time and money, meaning that I will not be seeking support for the evaluations in my legal defense fund.

However, your support is still needed to cover legal fees for my attorney and the children’s law guardian. Thanks so much for your continued interest and generosity. Again, if you have questions or comments about the case, feel free to email me. I can’t promise that I’ll be able to answer all inquiries, but I’ll be glad to answer those I can.

Make an ANONYMOUS, TAX-DEDUCTIBLE contribution to Jefferson’s legal defense by visiting the Sexual Freedom Defense and Education Fund at:

Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund

Please remember to specify that your donation is earmarked for the Jefferson Legal Defense Fund. The Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund affirms that these earmarked donations are tax deductible.

← Previous Entries