It’s commonly held among kinky folk that bottoms of all genders outnumber tops by some non-trivial percentage. Among talented tops I have known there is a propensity, however veiled sometimes, to need to switch occasionally. I have no opinion on the continuing debate over “true” topping and “true” bottoming, but it’s fair to observe that there’s at least some fuzziness in the margins regarding labels, and that they may in fact have little bearing on the actual structure of the power within an exchange.
Exchange. Now there’s an interesting word. I expect this post will receive some carefully considered comments for my suggestion of the following, but within an honest scene dynamic power is not so much exchanged as it flows along a gradient. The term “power exchange” is to me at best inaccurate and slightly disingenuous, like a psychic condom to set people’s minds at ease about what’s really transpiring between them, and at worst irresponsible in potentially destructive ways. Real harm to the popular perception of BDSM is done when bromides such as “power exchange” are proffered to vanilla folk, which in the short term may defuse their untutored discomfort somewhat, but it only advances their ignorance and in the end, like “plausible deniability,” can only be viewed as spin, a result I personally would just as soon avoid.
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