It was a very busy weekend - work, pool visit, dim sum, shopping for my cabin at Dark Odyssey, which I’m organizing. Yeah, I called it the Perverts’ Saloon (how unoriginal). We’re bringing all manner of things to make the cabin comfortable. Hell, I may not make it to the workshops, but that would be bad, because there are all sorts of wonderful presenters.

Which is why I couldn’t tell you how I checked my Twitter on Sunday, to find that we had won the British Erotic Award for sex blog of the year. Suzanne Portnoy went in my place. But, since she was getting her pussy licked, she missed picking up my award statute:

The awards were taking place on the fourth floor and as I was representing Viviane for the Sex Blogger of the Year category, I felt I really should take a seat and try not to miss the category. I walked up the stairs but when I arrived at the room it was full. Then I spotted one of my friends and a judge, Tania Glyde, who found me a seat near her. She told me that Viviane had won and I’d missed picking up the Award (sorry, Viviane) but there were still another 2 hours or more of awards and performances to go. So I sat down whilst the poledancers and the strippers and performance acts strutted their stuff on stage.

Like usual, the level of performances and professionalism varies enormously. There’s really no way to describe the Erotic Awards other than a very home grown celebration of all things erotic and sexual. I can’t think of anywhere else in the world where in one evening you could watch a guy on stage sticking various humongous dildoes up his ass, followed by a poledancer who does things on a pole that make you believe it should be entered as an Olympic sport. Then there was the woman who sprayed whip cream all over a helpless male punter’s genitals, and then set it on fire whilst whisking the flames away with a golf club. Ms. Coney Island came over and did aerial acrobatics whilst cocooned inside a long, white piece of fabric suspended from the ceiling. A few more strippers came and went and in between it all, the hysterical Mat Fraser and gorgeous Solitaire presented the more serious awards for Best Feature Film, Best Writer, Best Sex Campaigner, Best Sex Worker, Best Website and various other categories.

Suzanne tells me the statue’s a big golden cock. I’m not sure where I’m going to put that in my apartment…

Thank you to the nominating committee and the folks who voted for the award, whomever you are! And here’s to my c0-nominees Bitchy Jones and Mon Mouth, whose writings I so admire and follow. I don’t know when I’ll be in London next, but we’ll meet on the top floor of Fortnum and Mason, OK?