Best headline ever:

Sexually Suspect Panda Gives Birth to Twins

Short version: Chinese vets thought the panda was a male (due to obvious penis and “male behavior”) and sent it off to mate with a female. No wild panda fucking, no baby pandas. The scientists decided, since pandas are very endangered, to try artificial insemination and when they went a-harvesting semen, discovered that, oops, “male” panda doesn’t have a penis. Hmm, maybe panda is really a lady panda, but she looks like she has a penis. Maybe it was a “little crocus” like Callie’s in Middlesex. Panda penises are, after all, only about 3 cm long.

Oops, guess what? Newly-discovered panda girl’s plumbing is out of place. Doctors operate to put ovaries where “normal” lady pandas have them.

Scientists then try putting previously-thought-male-or-hermaphroditic panda with a “normal” male and boom! Two little panda babies. No word on their plumbing.

Seriously, though, “sexually suspect?”

Thanks, CNN!

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