My dearest K.:

To be honest, I wish I had never left Bahrain at the end of August 2004. I wish I had stayed – because of you. I had the chance to remain in the country, yet I could not sacrifice my family. Since you are also married, with children - I know you understand.

Now nearly three years later, I am still filled with regrets.

Last year, while in England, I became involved with a married woman from Israel. Life is funny, sometimes.

Perhaps I told you this before: we met through my blog of debauched erotica [elegant pornography]. I wrote very explicitly about my sexual experiences. And, what I’d like to do. I was very open about my bisexual nature. I was very open about my experiences with other men – including you – though I never identified you by name. None of this was a problem for my female paramour. Last year, she accepted me without compliant.

The involvement with this married woman was hardly confined to email exchanges and virtual, on-line sex [you know, lewd comments and masturbating nude for me over a web cam – which she did wonderfully so many times ... and with a dildo I bought just for her]. She was originally from London, and visited the city for a week in March, 2006.

Finally, we met and had a heavenly time that week. Once again, I seriously thought of upending my life because of a lover. Yet I could not do this, and my subsequent move to the Tokyo area put an end to such considerations.

We lost touch, which is to be expected when emotions are parched by too many disappointments.

During our involvement, I spoke about you many times. This was no problem for her. In fact, she was happy for me. This is most unusual in a woman, and I valued her even more.

I had to speak to someone about you because … because …. because.

And she told me why.She said, “You fell in love with him; that’s what happened.”

Of course, I denied this – many times. I have had encounters with men, off and on, since I was in my early 20s. The men meant nothing to me. It was just sex … quick sex, and there was nothing else to consider. Besides, I wasn’t gay.

Yet the married woman was absolutely right.

As soon as you and I arrived at my seaside villa from Seef Mall, I knew my life was about to change – and I’d never be the same again. I was so attracted to you … I’ve never been so attracted to another male – never. I had never kissed another male, but I wanted to kiss you badly, passionately, longingly.

How shameless of me; I could not keep my hands off you.

There were so many contrasts: you were black, you were Arab, you were Muslim. It was overwhelming for me. In no time, I had to suck your cock, smell your cock, taste your cock. I was desperate to make you climax with my mouth. I had to run my hands over your ass, feel your skin, feel your muscles. And I so badly wanted you to fuck me. I wanted to give myself to you, to be yours completely. To surrender myself to you. I’ve never wanted a man to fuck me before – never. But I wanted to seduce you, and offer my ass to captivate you.

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