The following was published last October in a Nebraska high school paper by sixteen-year-old student Neil Orians.

The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender community (LGBT) celebrates Coming Out Day on Oct. 11. On this day, LGBT people around the country come out in a mostly joyous fashion.

The Gay-Straight Alliance often recognizes this day at school by handing out rainbow ribbons. Here today, forgotten tomorrow. It really shouldn’t matter to us, right? There don’t seem to be many gay people at school. Why should we care about people when we don’t know of any of them in existence?

Hi, my name is Neil, and I’m gay.

Two words have never been harder for me to type. It’s hard to live with who I am when no one knows who I am. The administration is pushing the idea of a unified community, but too much of the student body, I’m just a piece of gay trash, only to be kicked to the side of the curb. Some people will more than likely not accept me after this. After all, I’m wrong, I’m going to hell, and no one wants a gay kid as a classmate.

People have always been able to hurt me. While I wasn’t completely out until after this article, the effect doesn’t change. It’s not like I’ll suddenly be offended when I hear someone use the word gay in a derogatory context, it’s always been hurtful and demeaning. I hear it all the time in the hallways. “What’s his face . . . fag.” “Stop acting . . . gay.” It’s common speech, it just comes out without any meaning or reason. It’s almost instinct to know that gay is wrong and that we should use this against others. Humans have a funny little habit of victimizing the weakling and using them to their own advantage, the LGBT community is no different.

Acceptance is what most people strive for in life, and it’s not an easily attained goal in the LGBT community. My church wouldn’t want anything to do with me if they knew. It’s hard to believe in something when it doesn’t believe in you. When it all comes down to it, my loving, faithful, tolerant and open church just does not want me. I can’t fit in; I’m not worthy of God. We’re taught none of us are worthy, but for some reason, gay people are especially far away from God’s reach.

Often times we look to our families for love and acceptance. My family has not been able to accept me. It’s an expectation I can’t fulfill. It’s a pressure to be something that I’m not that keeps me down and holds me there. One day I will find resolution with my family, and I hope that day comes soon.

Being gay is not a choice. I shouldn’t have to suffer for the way I am, no one should. There have been people killed because of their sexuality. The Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas protests the funerals of American soldiers for the “tolerance,” of homosexuals. These people believe gay people are inferior and should die, and they’re right here in our backyard. It is dangerous to be gay in this day in age, and all I want to have is a less frightening life.

So Westside, I’m not asking for much. I have really great friends already who love and support me. Hannah, Neal, Emily, Mike, they’re all there for me and they all love me. I have found acceptance, and I have found love.

All I want is the dignity and respect I deserve, as a human, and as an American. If you don’t want to be friends with me, fine. If you don’t like me, fine. Even if you hate me now, I don’t care. You’re just going to miss out on the lovely person that is Neil Orians.

gay, teenager, coming out