Every time I hit Oklahoma, the place is exactly six months more nowhere, like the course of a degenerative illness. Something ugly is cooking in this mongrel state of meth-addicts, paint-snifters and goat-fuckers, this degraded Baptist backwater on the Southern Plains.

After years I return reluctantly for unfinished business. The fall humidity is still warm enough that when I step outside at high noon my white Izod shirt sticks to my body like a used condom.

Later I drive by the decaying shithouse of the daily newspaper, and pull over to reminisce about the well-hung, married cowboy I used to blow after hours in the darkroom. The nature of our sleazy introduction is not relevant.

Slim is a memorable character: medium height and physically streamline, like a classic rodeo bull-rider, he has the biggest cock I’ve ever sampled.

In the intimacy of the darkroom, Slim drops his boot-cut Wrangler jeans and pulls down his black jockstrap. He sits on the counter so I may go down on him easily. I can’t resist his eight-inch cowboy cock … can’t resist taking him into my mouth … can’t resist sucking his clean-shaven balls … can’t resist rubbing his thick cock across my face and inhaling his unique masculine fragrance.

Slim moans without inhibition and fills my mouth with spurting hot cum, and I lick him clean. It’s a matter of pride.

When I see my gorgeous cowboy in Wal-Mart on the weekends with his wife and two children, we play that old Brokeback con routine and pretend we don’t know each other … because we’re straight, and everyone knows we’re straight.

But we are not straight. Our desires are forbidden and our relationship must remain just as secretive as any place in the American West.

I miss my Slim and his eight-inch cock. I look for him everywhere, yet he is long gone … moved on, still acting straight, while offering his throbbing cock for a hungry male oral bottom. There’s always another Slim, another sexual outlaw, moving cautiously across this hardcore Republican landscape.

I have stopped pretending, and depending on my desires … and I have many, I want to suck a hard cock and to fuck a hot cunt. I want it both ways because I go both ways.

I made this discovery about myself years ago in this small town that looks like it is left over from a receding flood.

This is where I found myself and found I do not belong among the solid small town citizens with their Rotary Club memberships and the rusty abandoned cars and pickup trucks scattered here and there on front lawns.

I leave for the world where I can be myself and enjoy the pure white heat of sex, whether the object of my lust is male or female.

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