October 2005

There’s no doubt about it, vampires are sexy beasts, what with those pale complexions (though admittedly, I’m biased there) and the sucking-for-survival routine. If you don’t yet have plans for Halloween, might I suggest that you grab a loved one — or, heck, yourself — and watch something scary and spicy?

I’ll skip the obvious choices, like Bram Stoker’s Dracula and Interview with the Vampire. Instead, allow me to introduce you to a dozen films that are ever-so-slightly off the beaten path:

1. The Hunger (1983). A classic. Catherine Deneuve and David Bowie are gorgeous as a vampire and her somewhat less immortal mate. “Are you making a pass at me, Mrs. Blaylock?”
2. Innocent Blood (1992). It’s a horror film! It’s a mobster flick! It’s a comedy! And with Anne Parillaud of La Femme Nikita in the starring role, it’s also sexy.
3. Bordello of Blood (1996). Campy, campy, campy. Bordello. Of Blood. It’s got Dennis Miller. Enough said.
4. Embrace of the Vampire (1994). Don’t watch this one for the acting. Or for the plot. It’s soft-core porn starring Alyssa Milano with a vague vampire theme. As that, it rules.
5. (Horror of) Dracula (1958). 1958, people! This film was shocking at the time. There’s no explicit sex in this one, but it’s certainly suggestive. Christopher Lee stars as the mannerly Count; though he played Dracula about a million times, this is his best turn. Check out the gorgeous DVD cover art.
6. Countess Dracula/The Vampire Lovers (1970/1971). Make it a double feature. The sexy Ingrid Pitt stars in this pair vampire films, one based on J. Sheridan LeFanu’s novel Carmilla and the other on the Countess Elizabeth Bathory legend.
7. The Girl with the Hungry Eyes (1995). A naughty cult classic based on the short story by Fritz Lieber. Kristina Fulton is the girl in question, the one who commits suicide in a hotel and is resurrected as… yes, you guessed it, a vampire!
8. Daughters of Darkness (1971). Here’s one for the art-house, foreign-film crowd. It’s clearly inspired by the aforementioned Carmilla story and the Countess Bathory legend, but it takes place in the present. Okay, in 1971, which used to be the present. And there are lesbians.
9. Vampyres (1974). “Naked girls and lots of blood; that’s what Vampyres is about,” says Jose Ramon Larraz, the film’s director. And that’s all you need to know, right?
10. Vampyros Lesbos (1971). More lesbian vampires! Ah, 1970s, where would we be without you and your lesbians, your vampires, your bell-bottomed corduroys, and your long hair for all?
11. Female Vampire (1973). She’s a woman! She’s a vampire! Her method of taking what she seeks? Well, it is in this list, after all. And do note the decade.
12. Nadja (1994). An erotic thriller set in Manhattan, about twin vampires, a brother and a sister. Truly a dysfunctional family. This is for those of you fond of the hip and the slick, the moody and the Portishead-accompanied.

Now, then. Popcorn, or something else?

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